William at 4 months....

On St. Patty's Day

Sleeping in his Nap Nanny

On Monday William was officially four months old (1 month adjusted age), and I couldn't help but reflect upon what a different place we are in now than we were four months ago.

William's birth was a whirlwind eight hours from coming to grips with the fact that I was in active labor at seven months pregnant to wondering how I would survive on hospital bed rest once the medical staff was able to stop my labor to realizing that my labor was not going to stop to fear and anxiety regarding the prognosis for this premature child.

I have to admit that while I was in labor, one of the recurring thoughts in my head was, "Is this child even going to be alive when I give birth?" Even though the neonatologist informed us that the survival rate for 28 weekers (William was born at 27 weeks, 6 days so close to 28 weeks) was around 95 - 98 percent, I still could not imagine how this child who needed so much more time in the womb could emerge into this world and live. I honestly thought I was going to have to give birth to a baby who wouldn't be breathing. Part of my fear arose out of the fact that at that time I did not know anyone who had given birth that early or who was that premature himself/herself. I was not prepared for what this might mean. Back in June when three digital readouts read "pregnant," a myriad of thoughts had entered my brain. Will the baby be a boy or a girl? What happens if I miscarry? I wonder what kind of personality this child will have. I just hope this child is healthy and happy. As you may notice, none of the thoughts that crossed my mind addressed the possibility of such a premature birth. It just wasn't something I thought would happen. It wasn't something I was prepared for.

Now four months after William's birth, we are quite fortunate relatively speaking as to where William is. While he is not like a normal four month old, he is slightly ahead of the curve in terms of his adjusted age. All of the specialists that we see are optimistic that he will catch up soon to his actual age developmentally, which is a tremendous feat for a baby born as prematurely as William. Four months ago we were told two times that William may not make it due to complications following his birth, but with each breath, William fought hard every day to do what so many of us take for granted, and in many ways, he still is fighting. When he looks at me with his smiling face, I am amazed at the progress he has made in four short months. In this way I guess it is good that William has displayed the same stubborn fighting spirit that can be the most endearing and most frustrating character trait of both of his parents. I think William just wanted to do things his way and write his own story in his first display of Morris stubbornness.

- Lori